Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
