my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
