Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
