At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize