I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
