He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
