We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
