I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
soo... how was my night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
