He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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