I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The feeling are messing with the penis
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
