So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
