Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
