i would one night stand the shit outta him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
