my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
two words...techno handjob
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize