I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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