I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
