The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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