dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
