found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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