he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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