im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
