Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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