the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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