I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
