I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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