I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
