genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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