i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize