The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
