Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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