...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
True strength comes from lack of pants
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize