One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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