cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
