is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
