As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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