i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
