Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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