12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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