please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
