Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
