I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
