arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I could make wine with my vomit
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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