I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize