I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
