So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
