one two three fourrrrnication!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
