He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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