I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
