Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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