i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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