once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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