Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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