he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
