Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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