he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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