Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
