umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
