Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize