he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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