He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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