My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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