you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
