My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
