Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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