this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
