i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
