It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
