I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
