Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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