theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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