3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
