Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
