Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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