In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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