You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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