Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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