just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
