I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize