we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
